GareK's Garret

I'm going to be gone on my 6 month anniversary, so I hope the Q Admin won't mind horribly if I write this and link to it instead of having a ramble. It is somewhat Quit related, because it was born from the Qmails I've gotten from people who are concerned that I'll be around matches or lighters over the 4th. I just want to show you a little bit of what goes into the making of a professional pyro display. Because, in the 4 years I've been a pyrotechnician, I've only been on one hand-fired show.

Pretty much every show starts out with a well-packed truck, and on all sides of the truck there will be a placard indicating that explosives are on board. Nothing makes me more nervous than driving down the road with a truck full of product, heading toward Seaworld with my BL and having a smoker in the vehicle next to us. It isn't that I think the flames can jump across the lane - what I fear is that the smoker will just flick his finished butt out the window without thinking.

Because most people don't know what this symbol means, or at least it seems so to me. We had stopped for gas one day, and some nut comes driving up full speed and comes to a screeching halt right behind a placarded truck. Hello??? The atmospheric discharge from lighting can set off a box of 1.3g fireworks -- why are we making sparks here?

Anyway. We unpack the truck and set up either the racks or the troughs. A trough is exactly what it sounds like - wooden walls making a rectangle, and inside the rectangle, the guns (or mortars) are placed according to legal guidelines. Then a backhoe fills in between the guns with yards and yards of sand, holding the guns in place.

Racks are different. They're made of wood and each rack is made to hold a specific size of gun. Guns have to be a certain height, depending on the size of shell they will fire. So you can't put too many big guns in a single rack. For instance, to the right is a picture of four 6" gun racks held together by what are called "racks feet". Racks feet are just strips of 3/4 inch plywood hammered into the butt end of racks to hold them all together.

If we didn't do it this way, the racks would be too heavy to load on and off the truck. So a rack show involves a lot more "building" than a trough show does. The show we're doing next week is a trough show. And for that, I am very very thankful.

After the racks or troughs are put together (or while this is taking place, if you have a big enough crew), the shells need to be counted and sorted. To the left you see a picture of a six inch shell. On the show we'll do next week, the biggest shell we can have is a 5" shell. For every inch of shell size on a professional pyro show, you have to have XX number of feet between the field and the public. So, to comply with the laws, all our shells will be 5" or less.

Each shell is numbered by the choreographer to match up with and make pictures that relate to the music that will be playing. The shell here is numbered 40-C. That means it will go in trough (or rack) 4 and plug into the module at position 0C.

A module looks like this. Since each group of racks or each trough can contain 48 guns, we "address" each shot through a module like this or through a rail that is programmed with a specific sequence number. It sounds much more complicated than it is. Suffice it to say that the shell above would be wired into the module shown in position C.

So on our show next week, some of us will be inventorying shells and sorting them by trough number while others unload the truck and actually build the troughs. We'll knock off for supper after all of that is done. The next day, we'll begin "dropping and loading" the show.

The first step in dropping and loading is placing the shells on the gun into which it will be dropped. This is a secondary inventory measure of sorts, and a visual method of ensuring you have all the shells you are supposed to have. When all the shells are sitting atop the gun that it'll be loaded into, the field looks something like this.

From here out it's just a game of dropping (gently) the shell into the gun, stress relieving the wire, running the wire to the correct spot on the module, and wiring it in. Basically, if you can wire stereo speakers, you can wire a professional fireworks show. There is really nothing complicated about it. If I can do it... well, you get the idea.

At this point, the shells are dropped and loaded and it's time to test for continuity. What that means is that we send a (very) weak electrical signal to each address to be sure something is wired in (or not) as scripted. In order for that to work, the module pictured above has to plug into the back of the firing unit. Look at the picture of the module. You'll see a wire running into one side and out of the other. The first module wires into the next module, which wires into the next, etc. That's called daisy chaining. The last module in the series is wired into the back of the firing unit. Pictured here is a Pyrodigital unit, which is a computer that has the entire show's timing sequence programmed in. The control panel of a Pyrodigial unit is pictured here. With a Pyrodigital unit, being the shooter means holding down one button.

The other type of firing unit is a peg board. With this type of firing unit, the shooter actually listens to a series of pre-recorded cues which say "Fire One!".... "Fire Two!".... "Fire Three!"... throughout the entire show. At each cue, the shooter touches a pin to the appropriate peg, which sends the electircal signal to the correct module, through it and into the correct shell's wire. The electrical current will then touch off the black powder in the shell's lift charge bag, which will send the shell along the path of least resistance -- whichever way the gun is pointed (hopefullly UP!).

When the show is over, we listen -- strain to hear -- the applause. Because we really don't get paid to do this stuff. We do it for the applause, the cheers, the looks on the faces of each kid who found the entire show magical. And that has to carry us through, because while everybody else is driving home, or going out for some ice cream...

...we are clearing every gun, cleaning up a very dirty field, de-constructing all the racks or troughs, packing up the truck and policing the area to be sure there are no dangerous things left lying around on our sponsor's site. Our show this year will shoot at 9 p.m. We will be very fortunate to leave the field before 11:30 p.m.

I'm 50 years old. I find that every year, it takes longer and longer to recover from these shows. This year, I anticipate that it will take at least 3 days of rest before I become human again.

But it'll be such a good time...

I've know I've written about my BL (Baby Love or Big Lug, depending on the day) being a big movie buff - and of course, one of the most topical movies for Americans right now would be Independence Day, or ID4. And I hope you're not too sick of hearing me talk about the professional pyrotechnic (fireworks) shows that we put together, choreographed to music. Knowing that, it's likely no surprise to most of you that I'm up to my eyeballs in getting our big 4th of July show ready to go.

This is my first 4th of July smoke-free, and all the time I've been working on these various tasks (travel arrangements, hotels, catering for 3 days on the field, etc.) I've been thinking about how the movie Independence Day and the 4th of July holiday relate to the past 174 days of my life.

In the movie ID4, a fleet of huge spaceships is covering major cities all over the world. This fleet is governed by one "mothership" (of course) and the purpose is to take over the planet and subjugate the populace. In order to accomplish this, the aliens use the Earth's own technology against it. It uses Earth satellites to communicate and to run a timer which, when it reaches zero, will end life on the planet for most humans. Of course, the protagonists find the method of gunning down the aliens and using their technology to win against them (turn-about is fair play, after all) and the world unites in the common goal of eradicating the enemy aliens from our little corner of the universe.

Thinking about my Quit, it seemed (especially on D3) that there was one guiding force, my own Inner Addict personified as the Nicodemon, attacking me from several different directions (fleet of ships) - and they did indeed use my own thoughts against me. We nicotine addicts eventually learn how to find out how these attacks are coordinated and use our Inner Addict's own strategies to defeat its deadly, insistent voice. Because our inner addicts are very subtle - very sneaky and very clever. But that's what we're all doing - finding how to use every resource available to us to stop responding to the Nicodemon's deadly siren song.

There's a quote in that movie I just love. The president has been poorly advised by his secretary of defense throughout, and he's fed up with it. Completely fed up. He says,

"The only mistake I ever made was to appoint a sniveling little weasel like you Secretary of Defense. However, that is a mistake, I am happy to say, that I don't have to live with. Mr. Nimzicki... you're fired."

As smokers, we let our Inner Addicts make the decisions that are supposed to defend us. As recovering addicts, we realize.. that's a mistake we don't have to live with! What a comforting thought!

And if you look at the Q, well it's pretty plain to see. A whole world of people *are* united against this one deadly foe. Right here, right now.

The 4th of July holiday itself (without getting political) is about self-governing. About not having the life taxed out of the economy. About directing our own growth, making our own choices and not being forced to live by rules we don't agree to live by. How much more perfect a description can there be of gaining freedom from smoking? As addicts, we aren't governing our own behavior. Our finances and our bodies are literally taxed to death (both by the Nicodemon and the monetary taxes) and our growth, spiritual, emotional and even physical, is stinted because we are chained to our addiction. So instead of thinking that we are slaves, living by the choices of others, we fool ourselves into believing we "enjoyed" smoking and that the choice to smoke is okay.

As smokers, we lived by rules we would never agree to live by if we could see the truth of what we were doing. If a child in your family came home and told you that the teacher said they had to go into a gas chamber for ten minutes at a time, every half hour or so, and breathe the fumes in... or that they had to handle fire every half hour, regardless of if it burned their clothing, or hair... or that the principal made them ingest a substance every 20 minutes that was guaranteed to reduce the circulation in their bodies, which could result in a loss of limbs, and reduce the circulation of oxygen through their lungs and bodies, putting their hearts and their lungs at risk -- which one of us would say,

"Oh yes - those are the rules we live by!"???

You really are free.

It's so worth the fight.

.·:**:·.·:*¨*:·.·:Happy Independence Day to us all:·.·:*¨*:·.·:**:·.

I had the worst dream the night before last. It was a "smoking dream" and so real I could feel the sickarette's filter between my lips. I could feel how warm the filter got when I sucked the smoke into my mouth. I felt the burn as the smoke entered my lungs. I even felt the smoke get in my left eye and burn and make it water.

It was so damned real.

And in my dream, I was aware that I was killing my beautiful Quit. In my dream, it didn't seem to matter to me. I felt myself thinking, "Oh well. Six months down the tubes..." Just like that. Just let it go that easy. A part of me was standing outside of it all, like an observer, and thinking "How can somebody who worked that hard to Quit just let go like that?"

I woke up in tears. This was my 3rd smoking dream and I always seem to wake up in tears. I prayed for forgiveness for not caring in my dream that I was sacrificing my Quit. I prayed for wisdom to understand what it is in my life that is triggering these thoughts again.

There is a source of stress - a big one. I spoke with my BL about it. And my brothers. All the men in my life agree -- that is one stressful situation I don't have to endure. There are better ways to achieve my goals than to continue to put up with that kind of situation. So I'm not going back into that situation anymore.

Maybe that isn't the best way to handle things, but this is my life and my Quit (which are inextricably related) and I'm not going to let anything ruin my health. While I didn't mention it, this nightmare happened after a horrible bout of insomnia. I couldn't sleep through the terrible headaches, intestinal problems, and feeling as though I'm going to puke. To top it off, I've been afraid to get too far from the bathroom because it's all coming out the other end (because I refuse to puke).

So, while I may have issues... this is a serious enough situation to call for immediate action. I actually got to sleep last night and I do feel better today. But I'm not up to fighting with the person involved, or debunking the lies he tells. I just don't need this.

Oh! On a happy note, annlclemons has 7 months today... boy am I proud of her!

I've been thinking a lot about the differences in the way we handle stressors and so-called negatives in our lives. To understand the directions my thoughts take, it's probably best to understand what I consider a "negative" in life.

To me, very little in life is truly negative - our perceptions are typically what determines a positive or negative polarization. An example... I grew up predominantly in foster homes, in which I saw and experienced a number of things that we try very hard to prevent children from being exposed to. I can go through life bemoaning all the things that happened, or I can turn the unfortunate events into learning situations and thus turn them into positives.

To be sure, while going through these things, it was difficult and I would just as soon nobody else had to experience them. But if they do, I hope they find a way to use those experiences in a way that helps them grow and mature spiritually, rather than just wallowing in self pity.

And that's where all my ruminations came from I guess. I was thinking about the "vent tent" at the Q, and how one person can see it so differently than another. Going through with that thought, I tried to identify any kind of divergence in the two people - what could make such an innocuous thing seem one way to him and not to me.

Well, he's male - I'm not. Could that be at the root of it? Possibly so. In all the literature I've read, males tend to "go to their cave" when wounded or upset about something. Then they "shrug it off" and proceed with their lives as if nothing ever happened, and this is how they tend to deal with "negatives".

Women are much different. Bill Cosby was very astute, turning his humor toward women's tendencies to go to the bathroom together, etc. It's funny because it's true. And, where a man won't talk about a problem unless he's looking for a way to "fix it", a woman will talk and talk and talk things out, just to sort out her emotions, classify and categorize them, and make sure she understand exactly what has happened and how she feels about each nuance before she can put it away.

It's just a difference in the way we handle things I guess. Men, given a problem, attempt to "fix it". Women talk it to death, come to grips with either the way they handle things or their inability to change them, and then move along. At some point in time, a solution may present itself, and she will talk it out again until she's looked at it from as many different angles as she possibly can.

This is probably why women absolutely need women friends. Guys who are friends with other guys tend to talk about events; past, present or future makes no difference. Women tend to talk about how things happen and why, try to figure out the subtelties of thought and behavior. I dunno why, we just do.

I think that's why, when I was younger, I only hung out with guys. They're much less complicated. Pretty much you know what a guy is thinking at all times. And there's not a thing in the world wrong with that.

I do think, however, it's unfortunate that certain men make assumptions that something is negative just because it doesn't fit into their pattern of dealing with things. And, now that I've picked this thing apart until I understand it better, I feel better. If I'd had another female to bounce all these ideas off of, we'd have probably come up with several more observations.

But... I'm not posting in a "vent tent" forum, so it's just me doing the ruminating...

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.·:*¨¨*:·.·:* GareK *:·.·:*¨¨*:·.
.·:*¨¨*:·.·:* D 155 *:·.·:*¨¨*:·.
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5 Months, 4 Days, 17 hours, 29 minutes and 36 seconds smoke free.
1,713 cigarettes not smoked.
$471.06 and 1 Week, 6 Days, 2 hours and 3 minutes of my life saved.