Yesterday afternoon really hit me hard. I've been very proud of myself for making it through what I thought were normal cravings, but maybe mine have been light cravings and not normal at all. Maybe what I went through yesterday was the real craving, what is normal for most people who quit. It's no wonder, if it's true, that people say quitting smoking is more difficult than beating a heroin addiction.
The remainder of the day yesterday, and all evening, I was a wary person. I was on my guard every second, which really isn't good. I think most of the "easy" for me is that I'm used to putting my mind to something else - not concentrating on cigarettes or smoking. After that 9.5 craving hit me yesterday, though, I couldn't think of anything else.
But I will tell you one thing, just in case you think I make things easy on myself. I rarely do things the easy way. The booklet tells the reader that, on your quit day, you should throw away all ashtrays, lighters and any remaining cigarettes you've got on hand. This is to help the quitter get past temptations. Well, I threw away my lighters and ashtrays. But right now, I have half a pack of cigarettes in the freezer. They've been there since the moment I quit.
Why? Well, think about it. If I go through these cravings and I don't smoke just because I don't have cigarettes, then how do I know I can handle the temptations later? For me, I want to know I'm strong enough to quit - not that I'm strong enough to handle it if my cigarettes are taken away from me and I don't have any way to go get more.
So, even though I'm still a bit wary, I'm very happy with myself. I can't express how close I came to getting up and grabbing those cigarettes. There are no words to explain what it feels like, those mega-cravings. But I can tell you I held out through one of them, and that this gives me a little extra confidence that I can do it again, if I have to.
Welcome Day Four. Please be kind to me...