Unbelievable. I've made it two weeks... this marks the end of "Heck Week" as we call it on the Q. Surprisingly, throughout the weekend I've had more thoughts of smoking (moments, not craves) than I did at the beginning of the week. I should probably explain the terminology I've come up with so that doesn't sound to anybody as though I mean moments of weakness.
To me, a crave is a feeling that causes a person to want to smoke. A kid in college once described it as "the need to feel the smoke burning in my lungs" - and yes, he meant it. A crave causes feelings of panic and urgency and anxiety and fear and it can really seem like it's going to last forever.
A moment, however, is a short period of time in which I have a mental flash or memory or image of myself smoking or holding or grabbing a pack of sickarettes. It's not the same thing as a crave. It's like a snapshot. It really doesn't make me want one. I have an idea that a "moment" can preface a "crave", but maybe that only happens if you fight them.
Anyway, I've had a few craves in the last week, but many moments or brain flashes. I can deal with the brain flashes. I'm glad the craves are getting weaker and less frequent. I think it's because I'm being very firm with my self-talk and making it clear that I'm not giving in.
To reward myself for making it through Heck Week I bought myself a new pair of Isotoner slippers today. Kind of symbolic if you play with semantics at all. It's okay to wear slippers but it's not okay to be a slipper. That's humor - it's okay to laugh...
I do love being able to work in comfort from my home office. I just look forward to the time when I can concentrate long enough to get something accomplished.
Bronco's won today - how great is that! I'm so glad. The Bronco's are my favorite team, and I sure hope they go all the way to the Superbowl and win it this year. That would teach all those talking heads to underestimate Denver! I really don't get why they discount the Bronco's as contenders. It's kind of annoying... but then, maybe that gives Denver the element of surprise. They never see us coming!
I think I'll take a good sci fi book and a cup of chamomille tea to bed and read myself to sleep. I've been sleeping very deeply and catching up on all those nights that I kept waking up every hour. I want to give myself every opportunity to catch up because tomorrow I step down to a lower dose patch and I don't know what the effects will be.
Wish me luck!