I've been thinking a lot about the differences in the way we handle stressors and so-called negatives in our lives. To understand the directions my thoughts take, it's probably best to understand what I consider a "negative" in life.
To me, very little in life is truly negative - our perceptions are typically what determines a positive or negative polarization. An example... I grew up predominantly in foster homes, in which I saw and experienced a number of things that we try very hard to prevent children from being exposed to. I can go through life bemoaning all the things that happened, or I can turn the unfortunate events into learning situations and thus turn them into positives.
To be sure, while going through these things, it was difficult and I would just as soon nobody else had to experience them. But if they do, I hope they find a way to use those experiences in a way that helps them grow and mature spiritually, rather than just wallowing in self pity.
And that's where all my ruminations came from I guess. I was thinking about the "vent tent" at the Q, and how one person can see it so differently than another. Going through with that thought, I tried to identify any kind of divergence in the two people - what could make such an innocuous thing seem one way to him and not to me.
Well, he's male - I'm not. Could that be at the root of it? Possibly so. In all the literature I've read, males tend to "go to their cave" when wounded or upset about something. Then they "shrug it off" and proceed with their lives as if nothing ever happened, and this is how they tend to deal with "negatives".
Women are much different. Bill Cosby was very astute, turning his humor toward women's tendencies to go to the bathroom together, etc. It's funny because it's true. And, where a man won't talk about a problem unless he's looking for a way to "fix it", a woman will talk and talk and talk things out, just to sort out her emotions, classify and categorize them, and make sure she understand exactly what has happened and how she feels about each nuance before she can put it away.
It's just a difference in the way we handle things I guess. Men, given a problem, attempt to "fix it". Women talk it to death, come to grips with either the way they handle things or their inability to change them, and then move along. At some point in time, a solution may present itself, and she will talk it out again until she's looked at it from as many different angles as she possibly can.
This is probably why women absolutely need women friends. Guys who are friends with other guys tend to talk about events; past, present or future makes no difference. Women tend to talk about how things happen and why, try to figure out the subtelties of thought and behavior. I dunno why, we just do.
I think that's why, when I was younger, I only hung out with guys. They're much less complicated. Pretty much you know what a guy is thinking at all times. And there's not a thing in the world wrong with that.
I do think, however, it's unfortunate that certain men make assumptions that something is negative just because it doesn't fit into their pattern of dealing with things. And, now that I've picked this thing apart until I understand it better, I feel better. If I'd had another female to bounce all these ideas off of, we'd have probably come up with several more observations.
But... I'm not posting in a "vent tent" forum, so it's just me doing the ruminating...
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5 Months, 4 Days, 17 hours, 29 minutes and 36 seconds smoke free.
1,713 cigarettes not smoked.
$471.06 and 1 Week, 6 Days, 2 hours and 3 minutes of my life saved.