JavaJules Cafe

I am alone.

This problem will always be with me. It's mine to bear. The problem of me.

I am alone.

I can't write about it here. I can't talk to anyone. I'm left with myself and it's a lonely place to be.

I am old, fat, wrinkled, grey-haired, tired, unsexy, unwomanly, undesired, used up and washed out. I am colorless.

I am alone.

~jules

Two music videos that have been immensely helpful to me when I didn't know if I could hold on any longer to life were Good Charlotte's Hold On, and Coldplay's Fix U which always reminded me of Christ and how He was holding on to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVG3jm2JjPE (Hold On)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHqcHFkXArk (Fix U)

Arrgh. Someone posted at the Q that he took an on-line depression screen and this was his result. He was smart enough to see thru the idiocy of it, but it really angered me. Anonymous, on-line psycho diagnoses now? Please, spare me:

39-65: You exhibit a number of symptoms associated with bipolar disorder, and should seek further evaluation from a medical professional. Even if you do not have the condition, a psychiatrist may still be able to help you.

Ah, there she is: the phenomenal "Bipolar Disorder”---this decade's psycho baby. Everywhere you look, people are coming down with it. I even had it, so a shrink told me--though my therapist and I couldn't figure it out since one of the "must have" symptoms is at least one bout of mania--however small--and I've never had one. Darnnit.

Remember when everyone was coming down with Split Personality Disorder? Now it's called Dissociative Disorder, a much less severe type--more a knock off of the first one--and it's catching like wild fire.

Then remember when everyone was coming down with Repressed Memory Syndrome? And then the repressed memories were recovered? So people now had Repressed and Recovered Memory Syndrome? And then it turns out that most of those people ended up coming down with False Memory Syndrome—possibly a secondary infection--and so they had to go back to court after suing their grandparents for child abuse, which they never committed, to sue their therapists for planting false memories instead? You don’t remember? No matter, we can have those Recovered for a small fee.

Then it was ADHD. Suddenly, kids were coming out of the woodwork with it, bouncing off the walls, not concentrating on their lessons, yelling at parents and teachers (imagine…KIDS doing this!); obviously they were in the grip of a much deeper problem than mere childhood. Being that so many of these psychological problems seem to be contagious, the adults caught it too, so now they have their very own “Adult” ADHD.

But most recently, Bipolar Disorder has emerged as number one on the charts. It seems I'm always meeting someone who was just diagnosed with it. I don't know if these disorders are airborne or if you catch them thru spit, but I think about 30% of the people I know have come down with it in the past 2-3 years.

It's the strangest phenomenon—it appears to me, and it could just be my own paranoia, but each new decade seems to have its own unique plague. For instance, look at thousands of Multiple Personality Disorder cases that sprang up out of nowhere after the bestselling book “Sybil” hit the stands. Now compare those numbers to those of the following decade. It would appear that they found a cure for widespread MPD! Hooray! Or, and this could be my darn paranoia again, could it be that it fell out of popularity?

Speaking of popularity, did you know the DSM used to list homosexuality as a Gender Confusion Disorder, but because gays flew into an uproar over it, the authors changed their diagnosis so that it's no longer something to be diagnosed at all, but is rather an "alternative lifestyle or sexual preference"? Another cure! I wonder what my Bipolar friends will one day become.

The DSM is on its 5th revision now, I think; or will be soon. What makes me furious is that this website tells you, "Even if you do not have the condition, a psychiatrist may still be able to help you." Help us with what? Well, obviously peeps, we’re screwed. If Bipolar isn't our problem, I’m sure we can find something else.

Don't flame me, guys! I've been around the horn more than a few times w/ these docs, and I can tell you the professionals are just as lost as the rest of us. I've battled horrible depression for years, and so I've bought everything they told me--hook, line, and sinker--all of the approximately 7 diagnoses they gave me, till I found out I don't have any of it. Not that they knew what I had; not a single shrink could agree with another.

Turns out my problems are physiological and out of their realm altogether, and I'm now being treated for the right stuff. Funny how quick they were to diagnose me with mental disorders before ever bothering to have me tested for things like, oh...thyroid, or insulin problems....y'know...things that can make a person really, really, really depressed and moody....

While I believe that there are genuine cases of every single one of these disorders I listed, it behooves us all to question the source when we see thousands of people being diagnosed with the latest catch phrase of the decade.

I still struggle with depression and will for some time. I’m also being treated for Lyme Disease, which affects the neuro system. I don’t mean to pick on anyone who’s been diagnosed with any of these disorders, or to belittle those genuinely caring therapists and doctors who desperately want to help their patients…but I think a lot more careful thought needs to go into making a diagnosis, other more obvious physiological problems should be ruled out, and the popularity of a particular diagnosis should never be considered.

Remember when we all had anal problems because of the way our mothers toilet trained us? This somehow affected us well into our adult years. Yeah. That was a biggie with Freud, and was widely accepted in its day. So, question the source.

Once you slap a label on people, you’ve just sealed their view of themselves, and the views of those around them. If a doctor accidentally misdiagnosed you with MS, how would you live out your days? You’d most likely live them out as someone with MS. You’d suddenly find yourself with limitations you never had before.

Be careful with giving and receiving labels.

jules